Yesterday I was reading an advice blog and a female reader had written in to say that she didn’t like blowjobs and would never consider giving one. She was asking whether to tell a prospective guy that up front. The blogger suggested she wait and reveal that bit later, with other ‘bedroom’ conversation.
I understand that not everyone enjoys bjs and that’s certain their right. But, I wonder if taking such a resolute stand isn’t going to come back at her in the bedroom. I think of sex as a reciprocal act, with a balance of give and take. We perform certain sexual acts out of love and desire for the man or woman in our lives and ought to be open to a wider range of possibilities. I agree that there may be some things that are absolutely off the table. I could name a few personal no no’s. For instance, extreme bondage is not for me. Absolutely no gags and no major pain. Otherwise, I might consider trying new things…it depends on what I’m being asked to do and how I’m feeling.
I would suggest to anyone out there who doesn’t like blow jobs to think about taking a new approach. How about engaging in some playtime with the penis…get to know it more intimately. A little caressing, maybe a hot soapy playtime in the shower before getting more intimate with Mr. P. Then give it a try, you don’t have to play Deep Throat and you don’t have to swallow to offer him some pleasure and enjoy the experience yourself. !
The attitude of “I’m never going there!” seems limiting and negative. Oral sex has long been considered risque and I know more than a few women who won’t give a blow job and some, though fewer, women who say their partner won’t give them oral sex. I think a life of just straight intercourse seems a little bland, but maybe it works for those couples? But, really…what could be more fun than being open to exploration with a partner you trust. Learning to pleasure each other, finding those sensuous spots and being able to satisfy in the deepest of senses is what a full mutual adult experience of love and sex is all about.
Love the visual of hot soapy time with Mr P =]
I couldn’t resist.. it is one of my favorite pleasures..
Throughout most of my adult sex life, BJs weren’t something I performed or had any desire to. I was just never comfortable. But when I met and fell inlove with my husband, that all changed. In a truly loving, mutually respectful and open relationship, my sexual being totally opened up and now, I absolutely LOVE giving BJs – who would have thought it? And over the years, things that I had thought were “not quite for me” have started to look interesting and tempting as I have branched out and grown. I agree, saying “never” limits you from being open to your own sexual growth and adventures. What doesn’t work for you right now, might work wonderfully later on in life or with the right partner – why not be open to all the possibilities…
Absolutely.. like you I had to grow to love the bj. My poor first (only) husband didn’t get much activity there and never a swallow…at least not from me! But, now? It’s pretty fun. And, in the last several years I’ve had the chance to branch out myself. And, I found new pools of desire I hadn’t thought existed. I’m much more sexual/sensual as a 50+ woman than I was in my earlier years.
I always say that nobody’s giving blowjobs for their health. No one saying “Man, I just have to put a penis in my mouth. If I don’t have somebody cum in my face right this moment, I just can’t sleep.” But I think that the way your lover reacts to it can be very satisfying. The give/take aspect of a sexual relationship is nothing to sneeze at. I’m not a fan of traditional massage,turkey sausage or professional wrestling either but my husband really, really likes these things (in addition to bjs). So I make room for them because I’m a fan of him being very happy.
I don’t think blowjobs are anything radical and I don’t know exactly why the reader didn’t want to give them. (I wanted to ask but I felt it was outside the scope of what she was asking.) It’s something that you can at least try. Of all the sex acts someone can ask you to be open to, it’s ridiculously tame. It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t take that long. And if taste is really an issue, there are ways around it.
Welcome to Deliriously Divine! And, thanks for the straight talk. I totally agree about satisfying one’s mate. And, you’re right, it is very tame!
A lady would inform a gentleman immediately upon introduction.
Ah!!So, he can bolt if that’s all he’s looking for! I’ve met your type before.
Good post. Sexual preferences are so variable, just like anything else. To me, a blowjob is rather tame, given the spectrum of what is possible in sex. But I know that other people are skittish about it. I don’t know the etiquette of informing a partner about one’s distate for oral sex, but I’m thinking as soon as conversations become a bit personal, that might be the time to bring it up.
Thank you. I realize we have a wide range with people at both extremes. My last bf was at one of those extremes and it was a matter of being clear on what I did and didn’t like! But, as you say, the BJ is tame…for sure.
I have never really thought about when to ‘reveal’ but I’m pretty sure if I told a prospective date that I loved BJs (not the word I’d use) it would change the trajectory of events, pretty damn fast!
I try not to let a guy know how much I love giving blow jobs….
And, why am I not surprised at that?
I think not giving BJ’s is a huge deal-breaker for most men. They absolutely love them and will go to great lengths to obtain them…like taking out the trash, cutting the grass, and clipping their nose hair. You know, outrageously generous acts on their part.
I personally love the BJ because of the reaction I get from my man. There is nothing more erotic than watching him writhe and moan with pleasure while experiencing my expert skills. Is totally worth all the years I spend in dick-sucking school!
Oh my, Miss SuperGal,
Dick-sucking school? Did you have to do internships?
I’ve never asked a guy to trim nose hairs in trade, but I did once date a man w/ hair on top of his nose…outer edges of his ears too.
Seriously, I agree about the erotic pleasure.
I must say that there’s nothing worse than a bad blowjob. You think such a thing doesn’t exist? Oh, it does. Trust me. It’s like getting a gift that turns out to be something really crappy. You thought you were getting a cool new electronic gadget and it turns out to be a wool sweater. Some guys will say there’s no such thing as a bad BJ.
Now, I love getting them as much as the next guy, but if she’s not into it, let’s just skip and get on with something else. They must be freely given, and enjoyed by the giver, or it’s just no fun. Asking for one is like asking for a present. And if you ask for a present, I guess you shouldn’t complain if you end up with an itchy sweater. Which is why I generally never ask. I just have to wait for it to happen. And when it does, it’s my lucky day.
You know, not many men will tell a woman if they’re not enjoying it or there ‘s a problem with her technique. I think the same goes for women and oral sex. You have to say what works and what doesn’t…. a little less pressure, or “I love it when you do _____”. That feedback allows the ‘giver’ to do a better job. And, I know it’s difficult to do that for risk of offending, but usually it’s appreciated, if done tactfully. More of a ” I like” rather than “that’s not good” kinda thing.
I agree, nothing worse than getting a bj from someone who’s forcing herself. I used to do that and I’m sure that husband knew it. It wasn’t satisfying for me and probably not for him either.