This is something I’ve often wondered about and at times fumed about. Is sex just sex? I mean… when a man says I want you is he just expressing sexual desire, that could be random in nature, or is he expressing his love via sex?
I was told once that to say I want you (sexually) was the same as saying I like the whole package. How does one know? For women, I think, emotional connection rarely translates to the sexual act. Yes, we want sex and it’s not a given that we can have good, meaningful sex without some kind of connection… but I don’t think women express interest in a man by talking about, or focusing exclusively on sexual desire.
Am I making sense here? I once had a friend with benefits situation. We agreed that we didn’t see each other as partners, in the romantic sense, but having already had sex we found ourselves continuing that kind of ‘relationship’ for a brief period of time. The sex was great and we were well matched in terms of desire and adventurousness. But, it was not an expression of an emotional commitment to each other. And, to me that is very different from the coupling of two people who are nurturing or expressing their affection/love/commitment to each other.
Talk to me……
Love in the sense of soul connection needs time to grow unless it’s one of those ‘one in a million you were meant to be together since ever’ relationships
sex can happen any time
That’s why I think men and women can say but it didn’t “mean” anything – just two bodies getting the rocks off
True.. and I expect that for many, certainly this has been my experience, that sex w/o some sense of connection isn’t really all that satisfying.
Still drinking morning coffee, so if my thoughts about sex are foggy, please excuse. I am pretty sure that there are times that sex without meaning is what I need. Perhaps I feel empowered. Not power over another person but power from within, that I know what I want and how to get it. Sex with connection is great but not always the ticket for me.
I’d agree…and I wonder if it’s also about the freedom to be ‘single’ and making these choices? after having been trapped in a not-so-great relationship? I’m just in these last 10 years really coming into my own sexually and it’s incredibly powerful.
Hmmmmm. Am drinking my afternoon coffee, thinking about this. Maybe I sound like Grandma Moses, but haven’t had sex with anyone I wasn’t in a relationship with. Trust issues on my part. What’s so funny is that the last one was the most untrustworthy male on the planet. Sex was great at one time, when that went, he did too. Rah!
My oh my I shouldn’t drink and comment. Even coffee.
Of course you should.. this is the place to let it rip!
We all approach things differently! Trust is important in any relationship and yet.. I’ve had sex w/o knowing enough to even establish that sense of trust. Who knows.. I need a drink!
I think for me and most men, the initial attraction is usually hard-wired sexual attraction. Of course, it can happen the other way around. You can develop a casual acquaintance or friendship (in a college class room, or at work, or wherever), and then notice that the other person is also sexually interesting. The ideal, I suppose, is having a torrid sexual relationship with your best friend of the opposite gender. But I guess that ideal evades most of us, and life goes on.
One caveat: in young and middle adulthood, sex often seems like the most important thing, the necessary thing, the only thing worth having, or the only compelling thing. At a certain age, I think the importance of sex begins to lessen. It’s all personal, of course.
I think it’s a personal thing, too… at 56 I’m all about sex! And, it has to be a vital part of any relationship I head into… I can’t imagine not having that.
I am in envy.
Envy that you’re not having fabulous sex with me?
Or the notion of a woman ‘our’ age who’s eager for a good sexual relationship?