The Universe tests us….all the time. Right after my post about the big aha moment, I ended up with a number of men all writing me on online dating sites. This is unusual as most of them initiated and most of them are still in the picture. I decided to just let things proceed and see what happened… no big push to make any of this work.
So, as a result of this rush of eligible bachelors, I’m currently in conversation with 4ish men. The 5th one is also engaged in mutual conversations as well so we’re not really going to pursue this at the moment. I know I wrote an earlier post about my inability to handle dating more than one guy at a time. But this seems pretty easy….in part because I’m not terribly excited about any of them.Well, one
does.Did. I started this post last week and since them I’ve seen the guy who lives over 2 hrs. away. And, in that classic ‘things aren’t always as they seem’, he’s had 2 marriages, one affair, and the one he’s currently unentangling from-she still lives in the house with him. It’s a case I’ve seen again and again-men who rush headlong in their desire to find someone without cleaning up their prior mess. A guy who is used to being adored (his phrase, not mine) and wants and needs that ego boost. I wrote him a polite note when I got home to say that I wanted a guy who had more freedom to explore our potential.
The wonderful part of all of this is that my level of detachment is allowing me to do this without the normal flutter and tension that usually occurs in this preliminary stage of the dating game. I don’t feel any pressure to make any of them work and I don’t feel any need to get too romantic. I’m not rolling towards the bedroom with any of them. First for me! (might need to update that sentence!) I’m looking for the guy with that heady mix of the sensuous and intellect that makes me weak in the knees.
Each of these men is nice; no glaring issues that I can tell. I’ve had at least one date with all of them, and seen two of them a couple of times. I got a moment of mild panic last week on a first date when I tried to remember how many kids he had. After conversations with 5 men I couldn’t keep track. Fortunately I got it right, so what I did when I came home was to make a dating database. I made a spreadsheet complete with photos and necessary details. I’ve ranked them according to my like-ability criterion, making notes about each date and bits of ‘history’ that are important. And, if you know me well, then you know there is a column about the kiss. I think there is a direct correlation between the ability to kiss and skill in the bedroom.
I do not intend to date multiple men. And, I certainly do not intend to end up in an intimate relationship with more than one of them. But, for now this is a great place for me to be. It’s leisurely and pleasant. They’re all very different. I never dated multiple guys at any point in my single life, but there’s something about online dating that seems to encourage dating as one would approach a cheese platter. My social calendar has been busier these last 2 weeks than it has been in years. Frankly, it’s a bit tiring.
Tonight I stay at home, no shaved legs, no clean hair…. just a night of catch-up. And, I may sneak a peek at Match.com, because while this detached attitude reflects a more nuanced approach to the opposite sex, it also points to the fact that none of these are going to be in it for the long haul. And, I may need to do some more weeding in the garden this week, too. We’ll see, Wednesday night is date # two with the last of these guys.