My new job is all about seniors and aging. It’s often rewarding and sobering at the same time. Today I attended a training for trainers on Alzheimer’s and Dementia. Parts of it were downright scary.
Then I came home to my empty house.
- Learning about how the brain shrinks and becomes diseased with illness and age- Depressing
- Sitting on the back deck with shot of Knob Creek enjoying a balmy fall evening – Relaxing
- Wearing a shawl and thinking that only old ladies wear shawls-Depressing
- Thinking about Fall as a metaphor for this point in my life (shit dies in the fall, drops to the ground and rots)- Depressing
- Knowing that I’m still fucking single and without (legitimate) possibilities-Depressing
- Watching 4 young deer cavort and romp through the stream and surrounding grass- Exhilarating
- Realizing this was the makings of a blog post-Justification for a second drink.
Getting old, alone, is a mixed bag. I”m contemplating drinking my dinner. And, on the other hand, I’m thinking I could rejoice in my being alive, my ability to buy an expensive bottle of Bourbon and the absence of another person with issues- dirty laundry, aging-related problems, etc…. It’s all about balance.
This song comes to mind, for some reason. I think it’s more about the feeling of poignancy than the words.
My thoughts often veer the same way. Time is flying and as much as I try to make every minute count, sometimes that just makes them go faster. I love that song – hits me right in the heart.
We’d be lying if we didn’t say that we think about this.
Life as a roller coaster -
some folks hold on for dear life-
others throw their hands up in the air and scream with delight (while making sure their thighs are tight against the
bar)
some folks never ride one
Your description of the ups and downs of a single evening
remind me to enjoy all of it as much as possible
thanks
wheeeeeeee!
Always, always glad to oblige!
Love this song especially this version. I know how you feel, getting old alone. Here I am choosing to take that path right when the kids are leaving home – quite frightening if I think about it much. But exhilarating as well – the possibilities.
I wonder how many men have thoughts like this? I don’t really go to ‘exhilarating’ very often, but maybe i should!
I think this is a fabulous, haunting song.
Knowing you got people who like to read about your crazy life…. exhilarating.
Absolutely… And, I’m continually amazed that you continue!
“the absence of another person with issues” can count for a lot.
I agree. Though, admittedly we all have issues, some are just more problematic than others!!
The grass is always greener on the other side is very accurate – I think those of those with a significant other look over at those without and sometimes see freedom! There is also all the knowledge and experience that comes with “old” age that prevents us from making stupid mistakes – and I wouldn’t give that back
Agreed, I have no desire to give up all these experiences…well, for the most part.
There are advantages to both states- I think I’d prefer to have a partner, and yet I might not really want to give up some of my freedoms. And, maybe at this juncture in life I can create the perfect blend of both? Who knows.
I remember when I first got divorced it seemed all of my married friends had two reactions. The first was horror at the thought that I would be alone. The second was envy of me being alone. As you say, there are advantages and disadvantages to being alone. I guess the ideal situation is to be in a relationship in which the advantages far outrweigh any disadvantages.
And, I have no idea of what that would look like, both of the significant relationships I had were with men who were needy-they both wanted to possess me..differently, but essentially the same. Being in a relationship defined them as I had let it define me over the years.
I’m done with that kind of loss of self and waiting to see what might appear next.
Life as a roller coaster -
some folks hold on for dear life-
others throw their hands up in the air and scream with delight (while making sure their thighs are tight against the
bar)
some folks never ride one
Your description of the ups and downs of a single evening
remind me to enjoy all of it as much as possible
thanks
wheeeeeeee!
+1
Hi Nick,
Normally I’d leave spam in spam, but your comment is unusual enough to warrant an appearance. But, I did delete your link!
I feel the same way sometimes. Only old people do the things I do and I rather enjoy it. Many of my friends still have a really exciting life, but I’ve grown out of it. As much as I miss freelancing I am rather glad to have a full time job and lucky to be able to support myself. I’m getting older and still am single and have been single all my life. At this point I feel like I am never going to meet anyone to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t even know if I could even deal with living with another person anymore. I’ve been alone all my life and I am kind of happy where I am at right now. Sometimes I feel selfish for wanting all this, but I have a meaningful career, great friends, and a life.
Oh, never feel selfish for wanting to have a happy life! I think it’s wonderful that you have all those great things in your life life and more importantly, that you are content with being alone.
And, who knows… if or when you meet that guy then you’ll be able to decide what form the relationship should take.
Hopefully that day will be soon. Maybe I will get to meet a man in uniform. lol…
There must be a story there.
I think men in uniform are hot. haha… especially in the Military, Army, or Navy.