Aging: The Good, The Bad and Occasionally, The Ugly

2 Aug

I’m old enough to remember that oldie  staring  Clint Eastwood was in his prime. Young enough to  protest over the whole “aging” thing.

Here is a snippet of my old age digest:

  • Got a invite this week to be the test guinea pig for a lingerie company that wants a  “midlifer” to try out one of their corsets. Of course I said yes and already have my target audience of one lined up. I don’t know exactly what they’re looking for? As in written vs. photographic review. Will be taking bids for additional viewings or play sessions. Contact me here, discreetly, with a bid!
  • Recently added some exercise to my daily life…I’m swimming at my mother’s retirement condo complex. Good news is that I’m slipping in and swimming alone (rules state you must swim with resident). Bad news is: Do people think I live there? ‘Cause that would suck to know that people assume I’m over 65!  Double-edged sword here. Quasi-depressing thought. Though, maybe I’ll meet a rich old coot in the pool who will be impressed with my physical prowess and offer to pay me to be his escort!
  • Sexting. It’s for seniors too. Had a rousing episode just last night. Memorable. Never assume that being over 55 signals the end of one’s sex drive! My partner? 63 years of age and closing on 64. You twenty and thirty-somethings. You’ve got nothing on us older folk. A twenty year old wouldn’t have had the endurance to last long enough to enjoy every drop of our conversation. As it turned out, we’re a perfect match, achieving a level of rapture within (texting) seconds of each other!
  • The whole invasive, tubes in all kinds of places, round of medical procedures is all over. The body/throat/stomach/intestines appear to be fine and intact. Got a throat stretch in the process, not to mention a thorough, healthy ‘cleaning’.  Only damage will be to the pocketbook.  (Note to you naysayers out there-under Obama Healthcare Colonoscopys are FREE, relatively speaking!) No more crap like that for another 10 years! Yippee.

Why this expose on my life as an “older” woman? I’ll be turning FIFTY EIGHT YEARS OLD next week. Holy Crap, Batman!

Really.

4 Responses to “Aging: The Good, The Bad and Occasionally, The Ugly”

  1. momshieb August 2, 2012 at 9:36 pm #

    So I took my 82 year old Momma to the movies a week ago, and she insisted on paying. “It’s OK”, she told me. “We both got the Senior Discount.”
    I am SO proud of myself for not beating the crap out of the ticket guy…….

    • deliriouslydivine August 2, 2012 at 9:39 pm #

      That’s rich. I can see the headlines now “Two old ladies attack ticket boy”. It’s a mixed bag isn’t it… today was Senior Day at my local grocery store. I qualify. Hate it, but love getting the 5% discount. But, get this… Wine is NOT discounted! What? Seniors can’t drink.

  2. Christine August 3, 2012 at 4:43 am #

    Interesting – watch out for those old guys in the rest home pool – check out if they need a nurse or a purse. Neither is welcome in my world.

    • deliriouslydivine August 3, 2012 at 6:47 am #

      Well this is a rather high-end condo more than ‘rest home’. Privately owned condo units so you couldn’t afford one without the purse. And, believe me I’m not interested in taking on another nursing client. But I have to admit I’ve wondered if I could tolerate an old man if it meant going out and having access to good, free expensive meals!

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