We went to the bar last night. My girlfriend is in town for a few weeks and this particular bar is our favorite hang-out. They even gave us a plaque one year for being such good customers! Make my momma proud!
So, we went to have fun, in a very mature, safety-oriented kind of way. And, as you can see we make it home safely. Here’s the thing. We met the most delightful man. He was funny, engaging and delighted to sit with us. He started a decent bit away then asked to join us, and of course we said yes.
It was a challenge for me. He was so open and very funny, a great conversationalist but not too self-centered. He was charming and yet managed to casually drop in the line about the wife at home waiting for him. I had already sensed that flirting would be a not so great idea and wanted to prove to myself and the bartender (another story) that I could have a normal conversation with a man and not flirt. I wanted to get up and move next to him so we could talk more easily but I didn’t trust myself not to touch his arm or something. And, in the end it was a wise move (or not move) on my part. As we all parted ways he gave me his card and we talked about writing. He’s interested in hearing more about what I do and I think there may be networking possibilities. Wouldn’t that be cool! He suggested we meet at the bar for a drink, I know it’s not a come-on as he’s very devoted to his wife and talked freely about his relationship with her. Very cool.
Sex: I’ve come to a major realization here. ha. I like sex. And I want good, steamy sex that starts with a slow simmer and intensifies. And, where the hell am I going to find that? I’m sure I have a friend, well maybe two, who would be happy to service me but that ain’t gonna cut it. Because, while it’s good and fun, affectionate and satsifying in a way, it wouldn’t be the real mattress-gripping, heart pounding stuff. Oy!
Other man-woman topics? Well, that’s just to round out the title. There are no other topics. That’s it. Unless you’re married and need to discuss toilet lid, up or down. Socks on the floor and the weekend’s sports schedule. I don’t have to do that…
Flirting is a great way to let a guy know you’re interested in him or to just have a little fun without getting committed to anything big. I love flirting and find it to be lots of fun and sexy if the chance arises for a more intimate type of flirting.
There are several kinds of flirting defined by the circumstances and relationship of the two people.
- There is the light, subtle flirt you might engage in with the sweet older man, or the cute sexy young guy who opens the door for you- a nice smile, maybe even a touch on his arm. Direct eye contact and some nice words. Nothing suggestive but flattering. He’ll be thrilled and you can feel good about ‘doing a good deed’.
- Flirting with someone you know and enjoy but with whom there is not going to be a relationship. I have a friend who’s about 12 years older than I am. I know he thinks I’m sexy and he’s a bit of a ‘dirty old man’. So, I like to tease him, just a little. Gotta keep the balance so he doesn’t start thinking too seriously. He likes to hug in a ‘full-body’ kind of way -almost ‘perv’ but not quite. I give him my biggest smile, rub his arm and plant a kiss on his cheek. He makes a comment about body parts. I don’t complain, though I sigh out loud to let him know how I feel about that- pretending. We both know I love it. We have great fun.
- The “I want a date” flirt. You see a guy across the room and you find him interesting. How do you convey that? Look at him directly and once you’ve caught his eye, smile at him. If he returns the smile you can intensify your interests a little. Let him know that you know he’s watching. Shift in your seat, brush the hair back off your face, and touch your lips, or lick them. Let your body language talk for you. After a bit look at him again and smile. Then sit back and see what happens. If he’s really interested he might make the next move. If he doesn’t you could go over and speak to him. Or when you leave, if it feels comfortable, you could give him your card or a little note.
- The serious flirt. You’re sitting next to a guy, hopefully you’re engaged in conversation, and you want to let him know you’re interested. Date, new friend, total stranger-up to you, just use your intuition. Listen to what he’s saying, use direct eye contact and lean in when he talks. I’m a toucher, so it’s natural for me to want to lightly touch his hand or his arm. A guy told me once that when I caressed his wrist during dinner he knew we’d end up in bed that night. The goal here is to signal your intention. I like to play, so this type of flirting is fun for me. And it comes naturally-good or bad. If I’m interested I’m going to turn to face him, lean in (specially if it’s going to show a little cleavage) and give him my full attention. If I get up to walk to the bathroom I might brush into him as I walk by or run my hand across his back as I get up. Once, in the midst of a serious flirt, when I came back from the ladies room, as I walked by this particular man (who I knew intimately) I held open my hand to show him my panties, taken off while I was gone. I was wearing a relatively short dress. I sat down on the bar stool next to him and watched him squirm, with delight, for the rest of our time together. ( I don’t advise doing that unless you know him well or you’re really wild!)
- The marital flirt. Married couples should flirt. It can be the prelude to a romantic evening, or a way to kick-start some lacking passion in the bedroom. Send him a love note, kiss him on the back of the neck when you walk by. Give him sexy looks from across the room, do things that make you feel good and that indicate your interests.
Of course there are times when flirting is absolutely not appropriate and I will assume you know what those times are. Short synopis: your kids’ friends, the boss, your best friend’s husband, the cop who’s writing your ticket…..
Now, your turn. Share one of your tips on flirting. I dare you.