Who’s Making Luv Here?

I’m totally over the whole matching date experience. This is the latest match that one of my beloved online dating sites has picked for me. I’ll let you be the judge as to how well matched ole Bobby BangBang (truly, that’s his screen name) and I seem to be.

As an additional note.. he’s ‘stocky’, recently separated and has an associate’s degree.

~In His Own Words ~

Must love to be massaged and give massges. Must love to kiss, hug. Must love to bath together. Must have her own bathroom. I am a very giving loving person. I love to love and be loved. I adore women. I will stop at a moments notice to kiss and make love. Love to skinny dip insecli=uded or non secluded places if it is ok at the beach. Love to be nude if the woman wants to be.

What I like to do:massage, Nascar, walk, play, make love, kiss toes

My hot spots:anywhere, mountains, beaches, parks, woods, camping, in tents or 5 star hotels

A few of my favorite things:movies, lots of sex, stay healthy, take showers together, more sex, wash a womans hair, do her pedi

~ ~

What’s he looking for?  Anything with a vagina.

It’s Too Hard…. (note whiny, childlike tones)

He looked promising with varied interests and a pleasant smile. I wrote, he wrote back with a phone number and a first name. Changing the settings on my iPhone, I called from a blocked number. As soon as he answered the phone the little voice told me I ought to just hang up.  But I didn’t…that would be rude.

Twenty nine minutes. Filled with pauses while I tried to figure out what to say. He’s just turned age 60, but seems to have packed in too many experiences for that age. He has always had horses, do I ride? No.  He’s been flying a plane since the early to mid 70′s- solo? He used to own a plane, several horses, a Mercedes Benz, a nice home…..Yawn. He’s been a hundred and one things in life… Gone to med school. Owned three Harleys. And, he had a stroke 8 months ago.

Where did I stop listening? I’m not sure, but early on. I finally said that I  had to go and got off the phone quickly. He was going off in the line of “I’ll tell you…..” and “when we….” . It was around 9 PM on a Friday night–the most dreaded night of the week for me.  I’ve whined about Fridays before, it feels like date night and I’m the ugly duckling (irrational, yes I know). I just sat there staring at shitty television for another 30 minutes… willing myself to get up and do something useful. I just went to bed.  This whole dating process is such a <insert your own expletive here>, sometimes.

Today’s a new day. No self-flagellation in front of the Match.com screen. I promise. Now that I’ve vented a little I feel miraculously better!