So…. my dating life! I went traipsing off almost 2 weeks ago to spend 5 nights with a man I met through Match. It was our third date-a long one. I stayed at his house during this time. We already know how excited I was and I hinted at some of my preparations for the trip.
We had a very good time together. Our relationship is easy and falls into place naturally. We share some common interests and complement each other nicely… I think we would both agree on that. But, I was ‘stepping into’ a spot filled by what would appear to be a wonderful wife of 40+ years. She died very suddenly 18 months ago. It was a loving relationship and he’s not ready to let go. And what that means for anyone who wants to be in a relationship of sorts with this man is challenging…depending on her end goal. And, that is where our paths diverge.
He would like to continue to see me but only if I’m willing to agree to be in the moment, to give up hope of a commitment. And, if I’m willing to share, as he doesn’t want a monogamous situation. Wow… talk about a tough call. I’ve dated or met quite a few men since 2001 and as each year passes I am more certain that I want a more permanent man in my life. I could already have a playmate closer to home if I wanted. One with similar characteristics and features but he’s not very available either.
This guy, lets call him Mike….. This guy is great fun, and we have an affectionate connection but he wants to just live in the moment and he wants me to be there too. And, he doesn’t want me to be jealous about this other woman, who I think takes a lower ranking on the totem pole of women (as if that matters, in this situation). All fine and well, it’s a free country and he’s very honest about how this looks from his perspective. And, he is aware that I’ve got more of a desire for a commitment. The thought has passed through my mind, and probably the other woman’s as well, that he just needs time to grieve. If I stick with it there might be a chance. But, that’s a very bad way to go about it and could lead to more hurt. So, my decision has to include that understanding.
I’ve expressed my feelings on the arrangement and I’ve made no definite decisions. And, I haven’t pursued setting up date #4 at this moment. I don’t want to fall in love and get hurt; I’m also reluctant to travel 2 hours away for someone who offers no long-term return on my investment (crude as that may sound). He’s getting a new puppy so coming here with 3 dogs is a bit too much; I have cats. So, I’m looking around again…sadly there are no men online who live near by who would seem like a good match…specially after spending time with Mike. Of all the men I’ve met, dated,
fucked, bedded, and/or contemplated in my post-divorce life he absolutely has the best blend of all the things I want. Right down to reading to me in bed. <sigh>
And, where I’m heading, at this moment, is to make no decision. To just let things happen on their own. If we decide to see each other again I’ll gladly go see him. Why not enjoy myself and spend time with a funny, intelligent, nice guy? As long as I’m alert and we keep an open conversation it can work…. I think. He’s more companionable than either of my cats.