Today’s Topic: Sex

I thought we’d talk about something different for a change. Sex. Men. Orgasms.

In high school I was never the sexy one, the one that guys clamored to go out with. I don’t think I was the smartest one either, but I went to boarding school so the deck was stacked. I don’t know what I was… confused, self-conscious and just a teen who hated some aspects of her life. I had long blonde hair and was not unattractive, but unaware. I’ve never felt as sensuous or sexual as I’ve felt in my late 40′s and 50′s.

For my senior page in the yearbook I had to have an informal photo shot and a quote. I’m smarter than the average person, but not the pithy words, quotes and esoteric crap type intelligent. My senior quote was “a rolling stone gathers no moss”. I don’t even really know what it means, and I didn’t know then either.

Now, I would say it means that it’s time for me to quit letting myself be trapped by all the unappealing, clingy, unnecessary trivia in life. It’s time to let go of what impedes me… if I can figure out what that might look like. Right now, at 5:32 PM on a hot Tuesday afternoon what that looks like is me feeling free to talk about my orgasms.

Yes, the Orgasm. I have them but it can be a bit of work to get me there. And, I have to have one of two things: either an exceptionally skilled man and the right moment or a good strong relationship in which ‘he’ is committed to learning my body and devoting his time and energy. Once you’ve figured that out, then it’s a breeze, a guaranteed ace-in-the-hole, every time!  There is a third possibility- self play and a good vibrator. Which is why we’re talking about sex right now.

Joe.v2 gave me a gorgeously expensive, great vibrator- it’s a G-spot vibrator. But, the thing is I’m not a G-spot type girl. I’m a clit girl… and guys, in case you didn’t know this, we’re usually one or the other. And, when we tell you which it is, it would be to your benefit to pay attention. He wasn’t really listening and apparently wasn’t willing to put in the required amount of effort to bring untold rewards and delights to both of us. And, I think this g-spot toy was supposed to be a teaching tool?

Well, as of yesterday, v2 is gone. But I still have the vibrator and over the last few weeks I’ve been teaching myself a few new tricks. I’m learning to develop my g-spot. Oh Man…. this afternoon I got it, dead on and was in spasms of delight within a couple of minutes. I wish I’d clocked it. And, I wish it’d taken a little longer.

What I was reminded of, as I lounged in a post-coital type mode, was that no one really gets the job done better than oneself. Really. I’m serious. Talk about seduction and gentle kisses, talk about the excitement and delight… but don’t forget the messy details of relating to another person, and at our age that often includes pills, extra time getting ‘ready’ and other stuff that comes into play. This was simple, satisfying and wonderfully refreshing. I don’t have to chat, make him feel good, “do” him in return. Cook him dinner. Nope. Just a wash up with hot soap for my purple delight and I’m done. I feel a bit like a man writing all that.

Seriously. Taking care of one’s own needs is a useful tool for anyone to develop and nurture.  But, there’s no way I’d give up sex with a real man for my toys. But, I will give up sex with men who fail to take the time to fully appreciate what they’re being offered… and men who aren’t listening or ‘giving’. There are givers and there are takers. I’m a giver. And, I want to be in a bed with a giver as well.

For now? I’ve got that satisfied air about me. There’s no clingy moss on my ass!

The Art of Flirting

Flirting is a great way to let a guy know you’re interested in him or to just have a little fun without getting committed to anything big.  I love flirting and find it to be lots of fun and sexy if the chance arises for a more intimate type of flirting.

There are several kinds of flirting defined by the circumstances and relationship of the two people.

• There is the light, subtle flirt you might engage in with the sweet older man, or the cute sexy young guy who opens the door for you- a nice smile, maybe even a touch on his arm. Direct eye contact and some nice words. Nothing suggestive but flattering. He’ll be thrilled and you can feel good about ‘doing a good deed’.
• Flirting with someone you know and enjoy but with whom there is not going to be a relationship. I have a friend who’s about 12 years older than I am. I know he thinks I’m sexy and he’s a bit of a ‘dirty old man’. So, I like to tease him, just a little. Gotta keep the balance so he doesn’t start thinking too seriously. He likes to hug in a ‘full-body’ kind of way -almost ‘perv’ but not quite. I give him my biggest smile, rub his arm and plant a kiss on his cheek. He makes a comment about body parts. I don’t complain, though I sigh out loud to let him know how I feel about that- pretending. We both know I love it. We have great fun.
• The “I want a date” flirt. You see a guy across the room and you find him interesting.  How do you convey that? Look at him directly and once you’ve caught his eye, smile at him.  If he returns the smile you can intensify your interests a little. Let him know that you know he’s watching. Shift in your seat, brush the hair back off your face, and touch your lips, or lick them.  Let your body language talk for you. After a bit look at him again and smile. Then sit back and see what happens. If he’s really interested he might make the next move. If he doesn’t you could go over and speak to him. Or when you leave, if it feels comfortable, you could give him your card or a little note.
• The serious flirt. You’re sitting next to a guy, hopefully you’re engaged in conversation, and you want to let him know you’re interested.  Date, new friend, total stranger-up to you, just use your intuition.  Listen to what he’s saying, use direct eye contact and lean in when he talks. I’m a toucher, so it’s natural for me to want to lightly touch his hand or his arm. A guy told me once that when I caressed his wrist during dinner  he knew we’d end up in bed that night.  The goal here is to signal your intention. I like to play, so this type of flirting is fun for me. And it comes naturally-good or bad. If I’m interested I’m going to turn to face him, lean in (specially if it’s going to show a little cleavage) and give him my full attention. If I get up to walk to the bathroom I might brush into him as I walk by or run my hand across his back as I get up.  Once, in the midst of a serious flirt, when I came back from the ladies room, as I walked by this particular man (who I knew intimately) I held open my hand to show him my panties, taken off while I was gone. I was wearing a relatively short dress. I sat down on the bar stool next to him and watched him squirm, with delight, for the rest of our time together. ( I don’t advise doing that unless you know him well or you’re really wild!)
• The marital flirt. Married couples should flirt. It can be the prelude to a romantic evening, or a way to kick-start some lacking passion in the bedroom. Send him a love note, kiss him on the back of the neck when you walk by.  Give him sexy looks from across the room, do things that make you feel good and that indicate your interests.

 

Of course there are times when flirting is absolutely not appropriate and I will assume you know what those times are. Short synopis: your kids’ friends, the boss, your best friend’s husband, the cop who’s writing your ticket…..

Now, your turn. Share one of your tips on flirting. I dare you.